I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
