my phone needs a breathalizer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
