He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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