I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
