I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
