Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
