i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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