only if we run a train.
done.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
