Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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