I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
