I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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