i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
