Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
