Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
