After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
