Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
