He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
