Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
