Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
