Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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