we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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