I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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