Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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