Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
