Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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