omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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