I CAN MOONWALK!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
