Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
