There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
