Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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