No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
