Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sorry about my life...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
