were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
