my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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