This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
