When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
