yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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