there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
