Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
