We're facebook friends in real life
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
