this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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