Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
