I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
