i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
