I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
