Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
