she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
