Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
