I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
