they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
