Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
