I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
