I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
