just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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